Every year as we approach Thanksgiving, I struggle with how to approach the holiday with my family. On the one hand, I've celebrated this holiday since I was a child, and there are traditions I hold dear and yearn to share with my children. I love gathering with family, eating the foods we grew up with, and having a day that reminds us of the importance of gratitude in our lives.

But the origin of the holiday was not, in truth, some rosy picture of pilgrims and Native Americans coming together in peace as I was taught in school as a child. And the many atrocities the settlers committed to the Native Americans, makes it hardly the start of something to be grateful for. My family has a small amount of Cherokee heritage and we also have relatives that came over along with some of the earliest settlers. And thus begins a complicated relationship with the holiday. So how do I celebrate the holiday, educate my children about it, and do so in a respectful way relative to the true history of the event? I'll share what I've come up with here. Of course, this is just my own perspective and is not without bias, as much as I try. So I would urge you to prioritize Native American voices on this and I'll share what resources I've found here as well.

1. Debunk the Myth

   The story of Thanksgiving is mythology. So, don’t keep repeating that story, instead tell the story of Thanksgiving from the perspective of Native Americans. I’ve listed a few book recommendations and short reviews in my bookshop page.

2. Honor Native American Heritage and Culture

Learn about the cultural traditions of indigenous peoples where you live. Learn about foods that are native to your area. Cook those foods and add Native American recipes to your families table. This year, I’m hoping to find some traditionally harvested Manoomin (wild rice) to support those communities and honor this important native food. However, DON’T make culturally-insensitive crafts. If you don’t understand the meaning behind the thing you are making, it’s very easy to cross the line into appropriation.

3. Emphasize Gratitude and Family

These values are the redeeming part of this holiday that makes me reluctant to give up the tradition. In my home, we always welcomed friends to join our family for the day. It’s not about the food, it’s about the warmth of connection with the people you care about. So, light candles, make long speeches, and give each person a chance to share what they are grateful for. Think about ways you can give back to others - and schedule a time to make it happen. Thanksgiving is often a time when soup kitchens have more help than they need, so think about how you can help others in your community in a more long-term meaningful way.

4. Be Thoughtful on Black Friday

The fact that a holiday of gratitude is immediately followed by Black Friday, the epitome of consumerism, feels very discordant with the values Thanksgiving espouses. Opting outside is a great choice - a family hike is a nice way to feel gratitude for the natural beauty around you and all your fortune in this world, with our bodies, families, and homes. If you still feel drawn to holiday shopping, try to support small businesses (as a small business owner, I feel uneasy opting out of the sales completely). Prioritize quality gifts over quantity, with presents that are versatile, match the needs of those you are buying for (such as outdoor gear for the avid backpacker or art supplies your child uses and loves) and will hopefully get long-term use.

For more ideas on how to rethink your family’s thanksgiving, check out these articles:

Do American Indians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Truthsgiving: The True History of Thanksgiving

How to tell kids the REAL story behind Thanksgiving

7 Thanksgiving books for kids from the Native perspective | Cool Mom Picks

Decolonizing Thanksgiving Is An Oxymoron - Kids Books Dismantling The Myth of a 'First Thanksgiving' - Raising Luminaries

9 Ways to Decolonize and Honor Native Peoples on Thanksgiving

Finding Accurate Thanksgiving History Books for Kids

If You Love Potatoes, Tomatoes Or Chocolate Thank Indigenous Latin American Cultures